


you caught it by the handle ( i caught it by the blade)

by prkchnyl (ryeouknim)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Not a Love Story, Post-Romance, idek what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 11:38:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8012176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryeouknim/pseuds/prkchnyl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Behind him Kyungsoo hears Baekhyun’s raucous laughter, and just as expected Kyungsoo’s barely healed wounds reopen and he bleeds all night on Minseok’s chest and Joonmyun’s veranda.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you caught it by the handle ( i caught it by the blade)

**Author's Note:**

> i just figured out i can't write love stories anymore so i am writing post-love stories instead /rolls eyes/  
> love baeksoo and minsoo ;A;  
> *title from Ashley Monroe's The Blade

_“Will you let me love you?”_

_Kyungsoo doesn’t remember much, but he must have stared, mouth agape. He remembers Baekhyun though, eyes glistening with unshed tears, smile vulnerable around the edges. He could hear Chanyeol’s deep obnoxious laughter behind him, and Kyungsoo finally lets go of the breath he’s been holding, clamping both hands on Baekhyun’s cheeks to pull him forward and kiss him square on the lips with their friends’ catcalls and squeals as their background._

o

 

“Will you let me go?”

Kyungsoo remembers everything. From Baekhyun’s soft, broken whisper to the slight tremors of his fingertips wrapped around the cold cup of his soda. Kyungsoo’s eyes are wide, searching, and Baekhyun keeps his head down and refuses to meet Kyungsoo’s eyes.

Kyungsoo remembers the tears running slowly down Baekhyun’s cheeks and Kyungsoo’s fingers twitch with the urge to wipe those tears away, instead he pulls both hands down onto his lap and averts his eyes.

“I’m so—“ Baekhyun starts to say but Kyungsoo doesn’t want to hear it. His coffee almost topples down the table as he stands up and Baekhyun’s flinch is an alcohol poured down his bleeding wound.

Kyungsoo doesn’t want to hear apologies, Kyungsoo doesn’t want to hear excuses, doesn’t want to see more tears, Kyungsoo doesn’t want to listen anymore, and maybe he’s heard a lot and not nearly enough but he turns around, stiffly walking out of the café.

Kyungsoo falters at the door, takes a deep breath and pushes at the glass door, walking out of the café, walking out of Baekhyun’s life.

 

o 

 

“Soo! Everyone’s meeting up tonight. Please tell me you’re coming?!” Chanyeol’s deep voice welcomes him when Kyungsoo got up to finally answer his blasting phone without as much a greeting. “Joonmyun hyung’s gonna pout at you for a year if you don’t attend his birthday.”

 

“Joonmyun hyung doesn’t pout.” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at Chanyeol’s exaggeration. “He just looks at you without judgment and treats you extra better to make you feel how much of a shitty friend you are.”

 

“Same thing, same thing!” Chanyeol says, clearly on his 200% energy even at 7 in the morning on a Saturday. “I’ll pick you up at 2! Don’t oversleep!” and with that Chanyeol’s gone.

 

 

In normal circumstances, Kyungsoo would be trudging back to his room to sleep the whole morning off until Chanyeol drags him out of bed in the afternoon, but now Kyungsoo’s nerves are high and frazzled. He hasn’t seen any of their friends aside from Chanyeol in the past four months and though he knows they understand, he’s still been a pretty shitty friend.

 

The thing is that the celebration won’t be only Joonmyun’s birthday party. It will be Joonmyun _and_ Baekhyun’s birthday party. Has always been, and Kyungsoo doesn’t think he’s healed enough to see Baekhyun again, be in the same room as Baekhyun again, hear his voice, his laughter, his everything.

 

But Kyungsoo doesn’t have any more time to think because Chanyeol barges in at half past twelve in the afternoon with a cup of coffee and donuts and to _dress him up._

Joonmyun greets Kyungsoo at the door with a surprised but pleased smile and a warm hug. “Feel better?” Joonmyun whispers and Kyungsoo relishes in the warm hug before nodding against his hyung’s shoulder.

 

Joonmyun doesn’t let him out of sight, always with a guiding hand on his elbow, a grounding presence, and he meets old friends while Joonmyun babysits him. Kyungsoo doesn’t mind though, Joonmyun always knows best.

 

But someone’s bound to lead Joonmyun away sometime. Kyungsoo then finds Sehun and Minseok chugging a bottle of vodka to themselves and settles on the tiny space between the two.

 

“Do you want to step out for a bit?” Minseok asks, pointing at the glass door leading to the veranda. His previously carefree smile now looks tight around the edges and Minseok kept on glancing at Sehun. Kyungsoo’s about to ask them what’s wrong before someone drops on Sehun’s other side with a loud whine.

 

“Sehun-ah! I’ve been gone for a minute and you managed to drink a whole bottle by yourself?!” The voice says, and Kyungsoo stiffens. Minseok grabs Kyungsoo by the arm and pulls him out to the veranda.

 

Kyungsoo appreciates his hyungs’ efforts to make him feel comfortable but Kyungsoo’s already heard him. Kyungsoo slightly turns his head to look at the group they just came from and he meets Baekhyun’s eyes.

 

Kyungsoo averts his eyes, takes a deep breath of the cold draft. Baekhyun looks good. Better, even. His hair cropped clean and short, cheeks full and healthy, his smile, bright and wide. Just like before, before he got together with Kyungsoo. He’s happy and he’s okay, and it has been four fucking months and he’s laughing and playing games while Kyungsoo’s plagued with dreams and nightmares and Kyungsoo barely sleeps, barely smiles. Kyungsoo doesn’t realize he’s been crying now against his hyung’s chest, and behind him Kyungsoo hears Baekhyun’s raucous laughter, and just as expected Kyungsoo’s barely healed wounds reopen and he bleeds all night on Minseok’s chest and Joonmyun’s veranda.

 

It’s like Kyungsoo never happened, was it just a dream, was it real? If so, how can Baekhyun be okay when Kyungsoo’s falling to pieces?

 

“C’mon Soo. I’ll drive you home, okay?” Minseok whispers against his hair after quite some time and Kyungsoo’s thankful to be under Minseok’s care because he’s not so sure he can take care of himself that night.

 

In a daze, Kyungsoo wasn’t aware the whole ride home, when Minseok tucked him in and left just when he fell asleep wiping the tear tracks on his face and leaving a kiss to his forehead.

 

 

o

 

 

The next day, he wakes up to the smell of coffee and honey and Kyungsoo goes to his kitchen to see Joonmyun and Minseok waiting for him with breakfast and coffee and soft smiles even as Kyungsoo, again, breaks down in their arms.

 

Kyungsoo let them raid his flat. His closet has been rid of too large parkas and coats, his counter now filled with photos of his family, a picture of Kyungsoo smiling between Joonmyun and Minseok, a photo of him, Chanyeol, Jongdae and a bawling Jongin during their college graduation.

 

Kyungsoo’s been rid of “ _anything that reminds you of him_ ”, Joonmyun’s words. Kyungsoo doesn’t tell them that it’s not always those things, but more on the simple things like how Baekhyun always leaves his coats and scarves under the couch or under the table, and how the couch smells like him, like how the t.v is set to Baekhyun’s favorite channel the moment you open it, or how the pizza guy still lists his address under Baekhyun’s name when he orders for pizza.

 

So Kyungsoo calls Chanyeol and  Jongin at around noon to hang out and told them to bring pizza and _no alcohol please_ so he won’t have to call the pizza delivery guy.

 

Kyungsoo lets Joonmyun get eveyone’s coats and stuffs them in the closet by the foyer and arranges their shoes so no one would trip.

 

Chanyeol and Jongin arrives empty handed and asks him to just call for delivery. Minseok hands him a flyer of the new pizza salon just down the street and registers his own name under his own address and feels better the time the pizza delivery guy asks for a Do Kyungsoo in the lobby when he arrives with their treat.

 

Kyungsoo sprawls on the floor with Chanyeol and leaves Joonmyun and Minseok on the couch as Jongin fumbles with the wires on the tv to watch a horror film he’s downloaded in Kyungsoo’s laptop.

 

By the time his friends say goodbye, his flat doesn’t feel too lonely and Kyungsoo doesn’t feel so alone. Minseok stuffed his fridge with chopped cucumbers and no one complains about the smell. Kyungsoo burrows his nose into the couch’s throw pillow that Joonmyun bought that morning as a gift and smells his hyung’s expensive cologne.

 

After a few minutes, Jongin returns to grab a jacket he left inside the coats’ closet and leaves Kyungsoo not without a hug.

 

That night, Kyungsoo sleeps with the curtains draw open and wakes up to the blinding sunlight streaming on his face.

 

 

o

 

 

Kyungsoo still misses Baekhyun, still reminded of him through the simple things, so he calls Jongdae, or Chanyeol, or Joonmyun _and_  Minseok and Kyungsoo lets them distract him so by the time he goes home to sleep, the feeling of missing someone’s been pushed back to the corner of his heart, ready to be forgotten until he falls asleep.

 

 

o

 

 

It has been 6 months since Baekhyun last stepped out of Minseok’s café. 6 months since Baekhyun broke up with him, but the smell of roast coffee the moment he steps inside the glass doors in enough to make him dizzy with nostalgia.

 

_“Will you let me go?”_

Baekhyun’s voice echo inside his head and Kyungsoo almost backtracks. But Minseok’s hand is warm on his elbow and he’s lead to the high seat by the counter and he doesn’t order his usual coffee but Minseok serves him a cup of tea. Kyungsoo thinks he likes it.

 

Back then, all the asking was done by Baekhyun, and Kyungsoo listens, nods, agrees. Maybe that’s why Kyungsoo just kept silent when Baekhyun asked him to let him go. Because Kyungsoo can never say no to Baekhyun. Maybe because at the back of his mind he’s always afraid and scared of how real it got, that if he just nods and agrees then he’s making Baekhyun happy. And if he says no one time then Baekhyun might change his mind. About him, about them. Even before, Baekhyun’s used to getting what he wants and Kyungsoo became used to not saying no.

 

Kyungsoo finishes his tea and glances at Minseok at the other side of the counter. Its 5 minutes after closing time. The last customer left with the tinkling sounds of the door chime and Minseok’s cleaning the counter with a soft looking cloth while his staff, Hongbin mops the floor while singing some old ballad.

 

“Hyung,” Kyungsoo props his chin on his elbow on the counter and Minseok raises an unamused brow. “Will you let me in?” Kyungsoo finishes softly and he could be talking about the staff only counter, or the kitchen where Jaehyun’s cleaning up the sink. Or maybe he’s talking about everything and nothing at once.

 

But Minseok’s eyes soften before he swats at Kyungsoo’s arm and wipes his counter clean. “Just be a good boy and stay put. I’ll come at you when you’re ready.” And Minseok could be talking about cleaning up the café, or finishing his tea. Or maybe he could be talking about everything and nothing at once.

 

Kyungsoo laughs and rests his head on the now clean counter and feels small callous hands sifting through his hair. Kyungsoo opens his eyes to the sight of the table by the window and immediately thinks about that night 6 months ago and Baekhyun, and waits for the painful constriction in his chest but nothing comes. Kyungsoo takes a deep breath and turns his head the other way, to Minseok softly humming to Hongbin’s singing, smiles, and lets go.

 

 


End file.
